Forget the Marvel Civil War. The Next Generation Console War is upon us. So which consoles would different comic characters line up behind? Here are the answers:

 
Spider-Man: Wii – Spider-Man is always broke, so he has no choice but to pick up the least expensive console. He might say it is because of the innovative Wii-mote but we all know it was the money.

 

 
Superman: PS3 – Supervision calls for super-graphics. Almost went for the Xbox, but Jimmy Olsen already has one.

 

 

 
Iron Man: Xbox 360, PS3, and Wii – He has all three consoles. All three still in the boxes, never opened.

 

 

 
Batman: Wii – Bought it for Robin as a gift. Batman doesn’t have time for video games.

 

  
Captain America: None – Cap just doesn’t get the whole video game thing. Give him a nice crossword puzzle at the end of a long day. Yessiree.

 

 

 
Guy Gardner (Green Lantern): Xbox 360 – Not sure why. It just seems right. Maybe it’s the green logo on the Xbox.

 

 

 
Wolverine: PS3 – You would think that an X-Man would choose the Xbox, but there you go.

 

 

 
Robin: Wii – Gift from Batman. He really wanted a PS3. You’d think that with the kind of money and connections Bruce Wayne has he could have scored a PS3.

 

 
Madrox (The Multiple Man): Xbox 360, PS3, and Wii (with the maximum number of controllers for each console) – When you can make an unlimited number of copies of yourself, each with a different part of your personality, you need a lot of options.

 

 

 
Lex Luthor: Xbox 360 – Curious that the only villain on the list chooses the Microsoft product. Hmmm.

 

 

Who are you?

I mean, who are you as a comic book reader? This column can help you figure that out. Even if you aren’t a comic reader yourself, this column can help you understand those of us who are. Note that I’m not talking about types of collectors (that’s a whole other column).

What I’m presenting here aren’t hard and fast categories either. Rather, I’m presenting axes in a multidimensional hyper-space, and we all exist within this continuum. I’m avoiding distinct separate categories because all of us are different and we need flexibility to define ourselves. So each of us comic readers falls partly into different groups. You probably lie a little more in some categories, and a little less in others. (And perhaps more in some than you might like to admit.) With that, I give you…

The Types:

The Generalist (G): The generalist loves the comic book medium. He/she reads anything he/she enjoys from super-hero to western to romance from any publisher in any format. The generalist loves discovering new titles and new genres.

The Super-Hero Only (SHO): The SHO loves super-hero stories. She/he reads comics to read super-hero stories. The SHO is more interested in the super-hero genre than the comic book medium. She/he tends towards the Big Two (Marvel and DC) but not exclusively.

The Independent Only (IO): The IO is different and proud of it. He/She doesn’t read anything from the Big Two because the stories published by Marvel and DC are too mainstream. The IO only likes books that would be classified as “alternative” by most people. The IO tends to be a bit snobbish.

The Creator Follower (CF): The CF is a fan of a creator (or possibly a creative team). The CF has her/his favorite writer or artist and he/she buys any books touched by that creator. Publisher, genre and format are irrelevant.

The Everything Is Crap But I Still Read It All Anyway (EICBISRIAA): The EICBISRIAA lives to complain. She/he is only happy when complaining about how awful a comic book character, publisher, creator, format or any other thing is. And yet, the EICBISRIAA buys and reads a large number of books every week. The EICBISRIAA respects only her/his own opinion and anyone who disagrees with her/him is a “moron” or a “Ricky Retardo”.

I think I’m 20% G, 50% SHO, 5% IO, 20% CF, and 5% EICBISRIAA.

How about you? Let me know where you fall in the comic reader’s type continuum.

Can the Adam West Batman dance, the batusi, save the world? Clearly the answer is yes. If you need further convincing, then read on.

First, I would like to point out that the batusi has it’s own entry in Wikipedia. You’ve gotta love the Internet.

The Batusi

But WHY does the batusi have it’s own entry in Wikipedia? Does the image of Adam West convulsing in a body sock and cape really deserve that distinction? The cynics in the audience will say it’s there “just cuz”, and they may be right. But I think there is more to it. Much more. I think the universe is speaking to us.

You see the batusi may, in fact, be the key to world peace. I submit that it is impossible for a person to remain angry while doing the batusi. (Even without the cape.) Imagine if you will, an international law that required any groups that wanted to go to war with each other to batusi first. Picture armies meeting on the field of battle, laying their weapons on the ground, and busting into the batusi. Within five minutes everyone would lose all interest in fighting. Then the leaders would have to get together to work out differences. But each diplomatic session would be required to begin with eight-and-a-half minutes of batusi-ing. We could get things worked out.

The batusi would also help maintain the peace. The batusi would become the global symbol for a shared human culture. The world could celebrate international Batusi Day. (By now “Batusi” has earned the capital “B”.) Batusi Day will be a day where we put aside our differences and celebrate the human capacity for absurdity.

Adam West has shown us the way, and for that we are forever in his debt, but now it is our turn. The revolution begins with us. Whenever you find yourself in a conflict with your spouse, friend, co-worker, or total stranger, invite them to join you for five minutes of the Batusi. The conflict will end there.

People of the world, let us join together and Batusi for a Better Tomorrow.