There’s more than one way to become a super hero.

Personally, I’m a fan of the technological approach (see part 1 and part 2 of the battle armor series). But not everyone wants to build a high-tech laboratory and invent crime fighting super gadgets. (I find it hard to believe that there are people who don’t want to invent crime fighting super gadgets, but I guess it is true.) Some people want to achieve superhood through a more natural, organic, and possibly spiritual process.

I’ve read a lot of comic books, so I feel eminently qualified to distill out the essential formula. The first thing you need to do is go somewhere strange, mystical and exotic. I should point out that my view of “strange, mystical and exotic” is from an American perspective, so if my idea of “strange, mystical and exotic” is actually your hometown then you’ll need to figure out a different “strange, mystical and exotic” locale. I recommend International Drive in Orlando, Florida. (It’s a little light in “mystical” and “exotic”, but it has plenty of “strange”.) Some of the options are places like Stonehenge, an African jungle (preferably one with a lost city of some sort), and Milwaukee. But if you are serious then you need to go straight to the top. I’m talking about the Himalayas.

Once in the Himalayas the first thing you need to do is find yourself a wise teacher. Even though I have never actually been there, I’ve read enough comics to feel confident that wise teachers are coming out of the woodwork in the Himalayas. You’re probably fine teaming up with the first one you run across.

The casual comic reader would think that you have to spend at least 10 years in the mountains studying. You know, reading ancient texts, practicing kung fu in the snow, getting hit with sticks. The usual. However, this being the 21st century and the age of instant gratification, I’m going to pass along to you, dear reader, a short cut.

Amazing Spider-Man 252

Goji berries. That’s right, Himalayan goji berries. You see, comic books also teach us that a rare and exotic food, preferrably a fruit from the Himalayas, can accelerate the superification process. Goji berries are supposed to be chock full of nutrients and whatnot and good for what ails you. (And by the way, this site tells the story of a man named Li Qing Yuen who dined regularly on goji berries and lived to the ripe old age of 252, which also happens to be the issue number of the Amazing Spider-Man that debuted the black symbiote costume. Coincidence?) Clearly, wild goji berries, plucked fresh from the vine will make you extra special super.

So for those of you who don’t want to build your own technology, I recommend that you travel to the Himalayas, find yourself a wise teacher, get hit with some sticks, and nosh on goji berries. And in some amount of time (less than 10 years with the berries), you ought to be ready for a rewarding career in costumed crime fighting.

Let me know how it works out for you.

There’s more than one way to become a super hero.

Personally, I’m a fan of the technological approach (see part 1 and part 2 of the battle armor series). But not everyone wants to build a high-tech laboratory and invent crime fighting super gadgets. (I find it hard to believe that there are people who don’t want to invent crime fighting super gadgets, but I guess it is true.) Some people want to achieve superhood through a more natural, organic, and possibly spiritual process.

I’ve read a lot of comic books, so I feel eminently qualified to distill out the essential formula. The first thing you need to do is go somewhere strange, mystical and exotic. I should point out that my view of “strange, mystical and exotic” is from an American perspective, so if my idea of “strange, mystical and exotic” is actually your hometown then you’ll need to figure out a different “strange, mystical and exotic” locale. I recommend International Drive in Orlando, Florida. (It’s a little light in “mystical” and “exotic”, but it has plenty of “strange”.) Some of the options are places like Stonehenge, an African jungle (preferably one with a lost city of some sort), and Milwaukee. But if you are serious then you need to go straight to the top. I’m talking about the Himalayas.

Once in the Himalayas the first thing you need to do is find yourself a wise teacher. Even though I have never actually been there, I’ve read enough comics to feel confident that wise teachers are coming out of the woodwork in the Himalayas. You’re probably fine teaming up with the first one you run across.

The casual comic reader would think that you have to spend at least 10 years in the mountains studying. You know, reading ancient texts, practicing kung fu in the snow, getting hit with sticks. The usual. However, this being the 21st century and the age of instant gratification, I’m going to pass along to you, dear reader, a short cut.

Amazing Spider-Man 252

Goji berries. That’s right, Himalayan goji berries. You see, comic books also teach us that a rare and exotic food, preferrably a fruit from the Himalayas, can accelerate the superification process. Goji berries are supposed to be chock full of nutrients and whatnot and good for what ails you. (And by the way, this site tells the story of a man named Li Qing Yuen who dined regularly on goji berries and lived to the ripe old age of 252, which also happens to be the issue number of the Amazing Spider-Man that debuted the black symbiote costume. Coincidence?) Clearly, wild goji berries, plucked fresh from the vine will make you extra special super.

So for those of you who don’t want to build your own technology, I recommend that you travel to the Himalayas, find yourself a wise teacher, get hit with some sticks, and nosh on goji berries. And in some amount of time (less than 10 years with the berries), you ought to be ready for a rewarding career in costumed crime fighting.

Let me know how it works out for you.